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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Come See Us Live At GhioRock UltraFest!!!

Come See Us LIVE This Sunday July 31'st!!! Are you gonna be there? "Does the Pope Shit in his Hat?"

Friday, July 15, 2011

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Camels In Australia To Be Killed... For Farting.

       Corporate greed had done it again. Caused a problem and passed the blame, putting a dollar in a politicians pocket and a gold bar in their safe. The bill in Australia proposes flying over in a helicopter and taking out camels with a gun. Awesome. Sounds to me like some red neck just wants to fly around and kill shit. I can see it now....

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The Reason Bio Station Alpha Video Was Deleted!

David Martines the self proclaimed armchair astronomer has possibly hit three momenumental achievements with one stone. Bio Station Alpha , a viral video, and a never ending pit of embarrassment. With words such as "glorified garage","Bio station alpha"(As if there is a Bio Station Beta.), and "I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to live on mars." he quickly became an ever expanding black hole of credibility. 

So why would a man in his position attempt to annihilate his 15 minutes of fame? He doesn't like attention? Utter Emabarrassment? According to the yahoo dipshit "T", the government made him do it.

"I HIGHLY doubt David Martines removed his own uploaded video.... especially if it was about to hit 1 million viewers..

Just another case of a secret U.S. government agency censoring out REAL news. In case any government officials see my comments, YOU ARE THE REASON U.S. CITIZENS DON'T TRUST GOVERNMENT!! YOU CENSOR EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD BE ON FRONT PAGES NATION WIDE"

T, your an idiot. There is 0 evidence it exists, if the world was consisted of 4 billion clones of you, inbreeding would be the least of our problems.

According to T, with NASA's 2010 annual budget of 18.69 billion dollars
A. Forgot that they had a hidden station on Mars and did not delete it from Google Mars, or 
B. Did not throughly analyze the pictures that of which took years of time and billions of dollars to obtain, over looked a 105,000 square meter building, came to  David's house, shocked him with a tazor, and deleted his Youtube video. Thus preventing any and all discussions or proof the discovery was ever made.

 So what is next for David Martines? Turns out David is a stand up guy and decided he will be personally visiting Bio Station Alpha via  Cola Vessel Delta, his home made "Flying apparatus or maybe a under glorified rocket ship". Cola Vessel Delta will be consisted of over 200,000 mentos, a 500 liter tank of Coke, and duct tape of which he will be using to securely strap himself to the Vessel. 

Good luck David Martines, our hats are off to you.

Chemical Compound Decided They Will Be Giving David Our First EP, Coming Out This Summer, for his journey.

Monday, May 23, 2011

A-Not-Calypse. Top 5 Things To Research Before You Join Your Local Cult..

Wopes, looks like Harold Camping should have double checked his math. Apparently the world is not over. Had his followers found a list as informative and imperative as this one, they wouldn't have spent their life savings on a billboard and be sitting on a mountain of debt with there thumbs up their ass.
Man Sitting on the Mountain of Debt, with life flashing before his eyes.

  1. Ask not what your cult can do for you-ask what you can do for your cult. Finding the right Cult.
    Cults are like Facebook, scary and invasive, so when joining be sure to throughly investigate your duties. With Harold Camping it was a pretty straight forward process. Bore all your friends, family, and acquittance with mindless babble about the end of the world, until you've forced everyone around you to shun you from their lives. If you find yourself to be a more, unrealistic, easily influenced, into anything, mindless zombie, you might want to look into something a little more interactive like the Manson Cult.
  2. Is your leader a straight shooter?
    Is he a nice guy?Kind?Persuasive?Whatever he is make sure he keeps you in the loop.The kind of guy that when he tells you to sacrifice your children,you know he knows what hes doing and that you are in good hands, after all , hes the "The Profit."
  3. Do you really need friends and family?
    Friends and family aren't for everyone, especially cult members.The Cult IS your family. When joining a cult you will most likely lose all ties to everyone you love, but thats OK! They will be burning in hell while your in heaven for preventing aliens from abducting the worlds population by standing on a hill with your arms in the air chanting mindless, incoherent nonsense. You wouldn't really get to hang out with them in the long run that much anyway.
  4. Are your cults beliefs sound?
    End of the world in May 2011, Aliens going to save us from a flood thats not going to happen in the first place? Lets make a huge utopia is some jungle and drink poison Kool Aid.SURE why not? Try to not think for yourself and just remember that the master knows all. If you find yourself questioning logic reasoning like murdering people that hurt your leaders musical career, you might want to get the fuck out of there while you still can.
  5. Last and most importantly, DONT THINK FOR YOURSELF.
    Don't find the cult, let the cult find you. Birds of a feather flock together, and if a cult is for you, chances are you are closer to joining one then you think, in fact you may very well already be in one and just refer to them in a different manner. Keep a look out for activites you already participate in  such as chanting mindless babble around a fire, willingly giving another man your wife, murdering people, or plans to have a group suicide. If any of these activities are on your calender then looks like you already found your place!

    So thats it people, and while your here be sure to checkout our cult at Http:// We believe in vigorous head banging , melodic melodies , and rocking the fuck out. Listen to the music and let our subliminal messaging do the rest. Good luck and happy hunting!
Be sure to share this with your other mentally deprived friends.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Lance Armstrong. 'Has It come to this?'

Lance Armstrong, the seven time winner of the Tour De France has hit yet another speed bump in his epic climb to glory. With recent steroid allegations Lance has lost his sponsor and is forced to retire for the second time.But recent reports speak of yet another comeback. With his unstoppable drive, competitive  inspiration, and a whole lot of desperation Lance has found a new sponsor, The Nordic Cryobank of sperm donations.

After days of contract negotiation, Armstrong's new sponsor announced their victory to the public with the following statement, "Of course we see the irony, but  you know what they say, "It takes two to make a thing go right," but it only takes one to bring a baby to life."

Despite the continuing prosper and reactivation of his career Armstrong is not completely satisfied with his new sponsor. After signing the contract with the company he was then issued his new bike. This 

Lance on his new Nordic Cryobank Bike aka The CryoGyro at a Press Conference

The CryoGyro Speed Delivery System (CGSDS) .The CGSDS is  aerodynamic, "suave", and even equipped with a Nitro Boost system in a undisclosed location, it meets all UCI regulations, we can but only speculate where the Nitro could be located.  Some sayings never die, as for this,'Always read the small print.'

Lances First Glance At His New CGSDS

After being introduced to his new bike he was later informed he will be delivering up to but not to exceed 10 sperm donations a day in the beautiful homeland of Nordic Cryobank, Denmark via CGSDS. After the press conference Lance pedaled off into the sunrise to start his day and prepare himself for the upcoming hurtles of humility to come. Is there a lesson to be had here? Possibly the old classic, 'Crime never pays, but if by some chance it does it comes with a price.'